The Soccer Phantom

2006-04-17T13:59:00.000-04:00

"The Fury, The Rage"

2005-10-04T21:23:00.000-04:00

Over the past few years, I have read several dozen books on soccer and a few more on motivation, biographies on great athletes and other high energy books. Its kind of what inspired me to begin writing this column. That and its kind of a stress reliever. One of the thoughts that has continued to roll around in my big head comes from the chapters in Anson Dorrances book, “Vision of a Champion”. Its about the psyche and mentality of strikers. They are unique. Fearless, aggressive, confident, cocky, physical and probably 200 other adjectives to describe them. Anson refers to it as “The Fury”. He does as great a job as anyone I have ever read. There comes a time in the career of the female soccer player that they either turn the corner in soccer or move on to other sports or interests. Some players have natural athleticism and will be successful at many sports, but do they really have the passion, drive, will, and love to reach the top of a particular sport. I think not. Take natural athleticism and “the fury” and you will have a national level or professional player.
A player with the tools and “the fury’ need to be developed and given the special attention they need to get them to the top level. In today’s sports environment its tough. Clubs are primarily team oriented. The ODP program in the state where I reside is in a shambles. Politics have taken over and it’s about who you know and not about player ability. It’s a shame and I would even contend that it goes to the region level when a parent can manipulate a coach to recommend their player to the region team and that coach will go balls to the wall to make it happen. Well, that’s another article. Super Y is here to stay. Ultimately the divisional coach makes the decision, but the rest of the coaches during the season make the choices. We’re still a long way from the perfect solution.
My player lives the sport. Gives 120% all the time, makes personal sacrifices to pursue her dreams of playing college soccer and maybe the US National team someday. She has it. She has all the symptoms. She has “The Fury”. If you’ve read Michael Jordans book you’ll discover the pinnacle level of “the Fury”. It’s called “The Rage”. I would even go so far as to think she has “The Rage”. She will taunt, she’ll celebrate, she’ll shove you down, and she’s even hit kids and knocked them to the ground in the past years. She gets into the zone where she is almost totally unaware of her surroundings. It’s really deep inside. Do most parents think their player have it. Like most parents they may think their little player has the ability to reach a national level, but do they really have it. Do they have “The Rage” to make the sacrifices, play through the hurt, play through ridicule from older players, focus on winning at all costs, giving 120% percent, be unselfish when need be and selfish when need be. There are times when you just have to “go to goal” and have the confidence to take people 1v1. When every coach that works with your player, thinks she has something special. When a coach gets excited about training and coaching your player every session. When your player is entertaining. When older girls and opposing players hate your kid. There is something special.
Its time to think about the individual, its time for a coach to give that little extra time, the little extra effort, every bit of knowledge. When it’s not about the money. It’s about this special player achieving goals and reaching their full potential. It has to be deep for the coach. How deep did Freddy Adu’s coach go? Lebron James, Tiger woods, Wayne Gretsky. How about Mia Hamm, Brandi Chastain, Tiffany Milbret, Kristine Lilly, Heather O’Reilly. How can we keep politics out of these decisions and stick to the kid. Ponytails and numbers is what I like to hear. Its all about the player, not the relationships and who knows who. Its about “The Fury”.

Team v Individual

2005-10-04T21:20:00.000-04:00

My younger player made a club change this past year. Interesting that the entire team moved over to get away from all the problems associated with the previous club, team and coaches. The new coach carries an A license and has been in the sport for over 20 years. I have no doubts that he may be the best trainer in the state and one of the top in the region. High motivation, high energy, great communicator, knowledgeable, all the great traits. Notice, I said great trainer, not necessarily the best coach. But, like any coach, he has his quirks and also carries some baggage. I watched him take a new team through 2-3 of the top tournaments in the east with 2 semi-finals and a championship within the first few months. A state TOC title and went undefeated at regionals but did not advance due to points. Some coaches wait years to build a team to that level. In my years of sports, I have not seen such a concentrated team effort in any sport. There were no heroes on the team. Players got moved to new positions and situations and were successful. There was no selfishness on this team.
Over the summer we tried to recruit several top level players in the state to our team. Not sure what “kool-aid” they’re drinking at the current club but we were unsuccessful. The tough decision was made to cut 2-3 players that did not contribute to the overall efforts of the team. He did spend an enormous amount of time recruiting one player who did succumb to the pressure and made the move. And now we’re dealing with double rostering and our team is not her primary club. Ughhh….
Interesting how the summer has changed parents attitudes towards the team. With the onset of the fall season, everyone seems to have an opinion and an agenda for their player. I even have one with my own player being moved from forward to outside back, leading scorer a year ago, to only 2 goals during the championship season. I got all the reasons and saw huge improvement in vision, skills and strength, however; I also have a very unhappy player on my hands. We’re also dealing with the real deal here with the striker mentality and skills. According to Anson Dorrance, she has the “Fury” and according to Michael Jordan, she has the “Rage”. It’s a skill set and a personality that needs to be nurtured in soccer, not diminished for the team.

Multiply this times 15 players. Coach is attempting to manage the entire team and has lost sight of the individual. What a cruel balance for every coach. Too much time spent with the new recruit is creating animosity on the team with many of the players. Keeping key players in critical roles on the team has those players unhappy. This is an interesting, challenging and critical time frame for female players. 14. UGH….. On top of those issues, 2-3 of the players are also excellent lacrosse players from lacrosse families and their parents want them to change focus to concentrate on scholarship opportunities. 2 other players are also excellent AAU basketball players, so they see no soccer training whatsoever for 4 months out of the year. Yes, your saying, recruit more kids, well folks this is upper New England and the pool of premier level players is not very deep. This is not New Jersey or Virginia where players grow on trees.
The balance. Player v the team. Team v the player. Female players make it even more difficult. Parents compound the problem and quite frankly are always the root of the problem.

The never ending question…… team v individual. There is no team without the individual. There is no “I” in TEAM, but there is in WIN. Great quote by Michael Jordan, but you got to have the guts and determination to back it up.

Dealing with Tryouts

2004-11-18T20:24:00.000-04:00

As the parent of a sports family, I don’t know of any greater stress in our house, then waiting to find out if our player made the team. For premiere athletes, tryouts are a common occurrence and you kind of get use to the routine. What to wear. Who will be trying out. Who will be coaching and putting on the drills. What parent will be sucking up to the coach to get their little star a little extra attention. Did the coach notice your mistakes. Did the coach say anything to you. Dealing with rejection. Dealing with the best friend who didn’t make it. Here are a couple thoughts, suggestions and comments from experience.
It’s ok to ask questions about the upcoming tryout. Will it be an “open tryout”. That would be defined as we are going to tryout everyone and regardless if your player was on the team last year, started last year, scored 10 goals last year, knows the coach or any other so called “advantages” a player might have. The coach conducting the tryout has an obligation to the team to bring on the best 18 players available who try out.
A “limited” tryout is defined as an existing team that has 4 spots or 2 spots that it would like to fill to complete the squad. It’s important to be fair in communicating this to the kids and to the parents. You might have 30 kids show up to tryout for 2 spots. It could be very possible that 5-6 of the kids trying out are better than players that are already on the team. Stick to the plan in place and that was communicated to the parents.
Parents who suck up to the coach and leverage their relationship with their kids have a very low place in my book. A coach that conducts a tryout and allows this type of politicking and favoritism to occur should be thrown out of the club or removed from their position. There is no room for favoritism at a premiere level, ODP or any other regional or national club level. I have been very impressed with groups of qualified coaches from other teams within a club or organization conducting tryouts.
Many tryouts charge a small fee and give away t-shirts. Great idea and it puts every kid in the same uniform for the tryout. No club insignia or “colors”. More importantly for everyone involved. Give the kids a number for tryouts and to post cuts. Its very embarrassing to see a players name posted on a board that they got cut and or who got called back for another look.
As a parent, I would suggest not attending the tryout. Yep, that’s’ right. You distract your player and to make things worse, you might even try to give them advice or coach them. Go get a cup of coffee and come back in an hour. If your player does not make the team, don’t freak out and punish the coach. I’ve asked the coaches for written evaluations on areas of improvement and found most of them to be very accommodating.
Support your players efforts and be positive. Nothing worse in the world than the parent cussing the coach and the other players that made the team. How is your player going to survive in the big working world someday with out you there to fight their battles. Are you going to go yell at an employer because your kid didn’t get the job. Time to let your player fly on their own. It has taken a lot of effort in my house to avoid being critical in the earshot of my kids, but my wife and I hold our comments to private conversations.
I don’t even want to discuss in this column the difficulties my players have had at the middle school and high school level with incompetent coaches that have been put into these positions because they are a teacher or have tenure. Well, I can’t hold back on this short story. My middle school ODP player, has a coach that has never played or coached soccer. I am not even sure she has a USYSA coaching license. The principal and the athletic director are scared of her. She is very close to qualifying for “hazing” my player.
The most recent 1-11 season speaks volumes, but next year, my daughter has decided to run cross country instead of play her last year of middle school. For premiere and ODP level players, there is no greater travesty than investing 250 hours of “practice” time to learn nothing or worse, pick up bad habits from bad advice. Semi private (4-6 players) “training” can cost $25-$50 dollars per hour. That would be an investment of over $6,000 dollars in training fees for equivalent outside training. As I’ve spoken in previous columns, there are a ton of qualified and licensed coaches out there who would love to pick up a team for the small stipend a school team plays. There is something to be said for public schools that have pay to play. Now you have an opinion on who coaches.
In my athletic career and in discussion with my wife’s’ experiences, we made teams on our own merits. No politics, no butt kissing, no whinnying. If we didn’t make it, then we had to work harder. I would highly recommend Michael Jordan’s book. He never had anything given to him but possessed the “fury” inside to be a competitor and be a winner.
There are several other great publications out on this topic for soccer. I particularly like Anson Durance’s’ book “The Vision of a Champion”.
I am blessed with a daughter who has a burning drive, desire, passion, fury and sometimes rage to compete and win. It comes from deep down and self driven. Its not from her parents. Its not artificial. Not only the opinion of a proud father, but of the many trainers and coaches that have touched her career. She is only 12 but has set very high goals for herself and works diligently to pursue her dreams. She has been on the state ODP team since she was 10. As a parent, I get very upset when I see politics or an un-educated opinion play a role in determining a players placement and position on a team.
Support, encourage, praise and help your kid to be a better player and teammate. Give them a little room to watch them be great.

When Coach Comes Crashing Down

2004-10-21T23:31:00.000-04:00

This column comes to you from 37,000 feet on a cross-country flight back home. Tomorrow night, a group of parents from a nationally ranked soccer team will bring down their coach who has been with them now for over 4 years. There will be hurt feelings, some anger and some poorly phrased statements from parents who are unaccustomed to speaking in groups that will damage relationships. And there will be a coach and a player, his daughter, who will have to pick up the pieces and start over again.

In previous columns I have discussed my thoughts on parents coaching their own children. Bad idea and it should not happen. Well, this personal situation has manifested into a full blown lynching. Bad decision making on the field, lack of communication or no communication with the parents, poor player placement, poor decisions regarding his daughter that should not even be playing on the team, etc. etc. etc. The club has policies regarding players that must play age appropriate. The club has policies against players double rostering. The club has policies regarding coaches spending more than 2 years with any one team. All good reasons to have a meeting and discuss how these situations must be handled. Too bad they all festered for so long. The parents will not settle for anything less than the coach stepping down. Its time. Why doesn’t he see it? He dug his heels in and is not thinking about what is best for the players and the team.
These parents spend several thousand dollars a year in dues, fees, hotels, travel expense and you can’t put a dollar amount on the time invested. Hundreds of hours. The kids all get along extremely well and the parents all get along great. Only one problem, Coach. Soccer parents are a special breed, but they also deserve the right to be heard and make group decisions regarding club teams, when the foundation of policies has not been followed. There are a lot of club executives and administrators who will disagree with my statement. Leave running the team to the club and the parents should keep their nose out of it. Wrong. However, with any club or business when the management does not adhere to sound principles of leadership, judgment and policy, then the shareholders deserve to be heard and pass judgment.

The coach is a good man and it will offer the opportunity for a fresh start for both his players and himself. His ego and pride will be hurt put his passion for the game will go on. How many coaches have been fired in how many sports over the years. They all resurface and are successful somewhere else. Most importantly they have learned valuable lessons along the way. The failure to effectively communicate in any organization is the single greatest reason they fail. Open, honest and direct communication must happen. Much of the heartache for all involved tomorrow night could have been avoided if the coach had just listened and communicated.

A Soccer Morning, Can you Relate?

2004-10-09T08:14:00.000-04:00

7:26 am as I begin this column. Not necessarily prime time for composing an article.
The alarm went off at 6:00am. Jumped into the shower, put on sweats and went for coffee. I went in and roused my 14 year old son who has a JV game 2 hours away before I left. Took about 20 minutes round trip to hit “Dunks” and grab some cash. My son was putting the last touches of gear into his bag for the day when I came in the back door. I dropped my wifes’ coffee, put him in the car and headed to the high school. It’s a cold morning in New England. I send him on his way to the bus with the rest of the crew, his cell phone, $20 dollars, a breakfast sandwich and a dunkachino. Wow, one down and its 6:45am. Home to enjoy my coffee with my bride who just rolled out of bed. The little terrorist is still sleeping.
I will be leaving in few minutes for the 2 hour drive to see his game while my wife gets my daughter ready for the local Columbus Day weekend tournament. Kind of a blessing to have a local tournament, since we are usually hundreds of miles away. My daughters preparation is usually much more difficult. Just getting “IT” up in the morning can be a life-threatening situation. She will most definitely be a coffee drinker some day. I checked her bag last night since she is not very organized and usually forgets something important. Alternate jersey, alternate socks, mouth guard, soft ground cleats, warm up pants. You know, nothing important….. My wife will get her over to her tournament about an hour before the match. It’s a long haul into the fields and she’ll need to find our club amongst the chaos. I guess one of the biggest benefits to her current team is the parents are all pretty tight knit and get along. Meanwhile I will be breaking every traffic law in the state to get back from my sons’ game to be able to see my daughters. He will catch the bus back to the high school and we will swing by and grab him up after my daughter’s game.
Total soccer time today. It’s going be a 12-hour day. We’ll put some victory steaks on the grill tonight and my wife and I will enjoy an adult beverage while we review the day and take inventory of our kids bumps and bruises.
Tomorrow is Sunday. My daughter has 2 games at her tournament. One at 9:00am and one at 2:00pm. Both against nationally ranked teams like her own. It’s going to be another long day. Can you relate?

Youth Sports and Playing Politics

2004-10-04T13:08:00.001-04:00

I can’t think of 3 words, when put into the same sentence; are so ugly. Who knows, who? It’s who you know, not what you know? Do you run in the right circles? Put into the right context, this is about ass kissing. Everyone has seen it and experienced it at some level in their lives, but does it have a place in youth athletics?

I can tell you one thing, that kind of crap does not happen in collegiate athletics or in professional sports. The basic job description of coaches at that level is to put the superior athletes on the field and to win games and championships. Not to play Billy because he is best friends with Bobby, or to put Kimmie on the varsity team, because her dad is involved with the club.

Let me tell you how this should work. At a youth sport tryout, 3-4 coaches from the surrounding area or from the high school or from a local organization or state organization should set up and facilitate the tryout. Professional coaches (paid for their services) have the ability in a very short amount of time to evaluate a prospects skill level and make a decision. Players should have an assigned number for the tryout sessions. Yes, the players are a number until selected and then given a name. No parents, no parent coaches, no input from the cronies and above all, no politics. At local tryout I recently attended, they even had the kids spend 10 minutes in front of the panel in an abbreviated question and answer session. Take the best players at tryouts, period. I am sorry if your little player was on vacation or was at some other practice or tryout. I am sorry if your player just shows up on the last day and makes the team. Part of making that team is a level of commitment from the player and his parents. Many sports are currently doing a 3-day tryout, of which a minimum of 2 days is required to make the cut. If a player is on the bubble, then have a call back to further evaluate the bubble players.
I really don’t care if your kid was on the team last year or not. I don’t care if you live next door to the coach. I don’t care if they are a senior and they deserve to be on it. I don’t care that your dads’ car dealer sponsored the team. Put the best players on the field.

This also gets the coach off the hook with making difficult decisions on a neighbors’ kid that you know should not be playing on your team. For club administrators and athletic directors, it’s an easy story to tell. It’s a non-biased tryout for an athletic team. I see many soccer clubs going to this format and it works. Many parents don’t see it but a competitive club needs to recruit, train and put the best players on the field.

Both my kids are in the ODP soccer program. My son plays age appropriate and my daughter actually played U13 at age10 and was once again at U13 when she was 11 last year. The program directors at the state, region and national level do a pretty fair job of putting the best kids on the field. Lots of eyes, lots of coaches, lots of ability to scout out the raw talent and turn it into future national level players. 800 plus players in Region 1 this year and they pull 25-30. From being involved with these programs, the only issue I bring to light is the round table discussion with the region coach and the state coaches who all have to sell their kids to the region coach. If everyone does their job properly, regardless of how the numbers work out, the best players make it.

In closing, there are recreation programs across the country that have thousands of kids involved with various activities and sports. At that level, all the kids should play and get to run around and have fun. My column specifically chastises the travel and premier level clubs and the middle school and high school organizations that let parents get involved in the roster selection process. Parents, enjoy your players' success from the sideline. Leave the selection and coaching to the professionals.

Parents as Coaches

2004-09-29T22:25:00.000-04:00

Funny that most of the people reading this column will probably be exactly that, parents. I will begin and end this column with the same statement, “Parents should not coach their own kids.” This topic is not isolated to just soccer but to all organized sports.

In order to accurately set the scale on this topic, lets first ask yourself a few simple questions. Are you harder on your own child than on other kids on the team? Does your child get the lion’s share of playing time on your team? Are tryouts pretty well pre-determined before they occur? Do you see that most of your childs teammates are their closest friends? Are you the most qualified coach the team could find? Do you unfairly support your childs position on the team? I can probably come up with 20 more pointed questions on the topic. You might even find it hard to answer, “yes” to these questions, but with some deeper thought you will find the answers.
Most of us grew up in a sports environment where we did all the neighborhood pick up games. As we grew older we joined the local recreation leagues in town, city clubs, travel teams, all-star teams, etc. The level of interest for most parents came from the back yard to the field or court, when our kids where very young. Some of it is due to the local encouragement of the neighborhood parents and the fact that you “know what your doing”. Others coach because you have the time or a passion for the game or a passion to compete and win. One aspect missing from that statement…. What about the kids? Some coach to re-live their childhood memories. As an “X” coach myself, I can with a clear conscious say that I was in it for the kids. That all began at the age of 17 when as a high school football player I coached a team in a recreation flag football league. At 19 I was coaching a swim team with over 130 kids on it. As a father I coached recreation and travel soccer for a short period of time. I’ve been there. Probably the single greatest accomplishment I had while coaching my kids, I knew when to get out.

Wow, did I come down hard on my daughter when she did not perform. We had some strong words and hurt feelings after a few games. I also knew all of her friends, those who could keep up and those who couldn’t. They made the team. Who had skills and who did not. Yes, I made exceptions and put kids on the team from parents in the neighborhood who asked. Some were horrible. I also realized the social gap that began as their little player was not getting playing time. What do you say to your neighbor, “your kid is not meant to be a soccer player, I don’t want her on my team”. I got my USYSA coaching license. I have taken a CPR and first aid course. I let the state do a background check. I am a coach. Hardly.

As my little team developed, they got good and I got caught up in it. We did some tournaments and won a bunch of games. My little star was scoring big goals. Well, behind the scenes other players were lacking for playing time. I needed kids to play new positions they were uncomfortable with so there were some meltdowns. Then there are the parents. At times I physically wanted to throttle a few of them. They were outrageous and what made it worse, their neighbors and acquantence from the community.

The other development; I was quickly out of my league. I studied the drills, watched other coaches, and went to a few seminars. I was a good coach (So I thought) but I was not a good trainer and many of my stars need to get to the next level. I did not have the ability to get them there. They needed a full time paid trainer and coach. They needed someone who recognizes the talent and can get them the drills and mentoring attention they need. I resigned and moved my daughter and several of the other players to a premiere level soccer team that pulls kids from around the state to play at an elite level. Well, some of the relationships are still tarnished. Some kids are still playing soccer even after I coached them and still others are now playing on the state ODP teams. <>Over the past 2 years I have been on the other side of the table and had coaches for both my son and daughter in middle school and on a premier soccer team who are coaching dads, with kids playing on their teams. Now we get to the real guts of this column. The favoritism, lack of foresight, lack of knowledge, lack of communication and many other leadership issues has never been so clear or blatant. The parents on the team and in the community have watched these fathers self-destruct. The only parents that are happy are those in the inner circle and they seem to have all the inside scoop on every kids ability and skill level. They don’t even see or recognize what’s going on around them. I think some of it is that they want to make sure that their player is getting playing time and the best training. I am certain that the travel coach’s kid wouldn’t be on the team if the tryouts and coaching were conducted properly. What’s’ even worse, some kids with ability are quitting and playing other sports.

Bottom line, there are great coaches and trainers that live and die the sport. Many of them would gladly volunteer some time in the grass roots programs. At a higher level they work for a fee with travel and club teams in the community. There are an ever-increasing number of these quality coaches who don’t do it for personal benefit or for the benefit of their player, but for the benefit of all the kids and the sport. The key ingredient in their success is a thorough knowledge of the game and straightforward, open communications. Communications with the parents and players is the key to all barriers. (Communications will be a future column topic). My son currently has a recent high school graduate coaching his high school team because of his passion and desire to give back to the kids. I am astonished at what this young man knows and at the level of his communication skills. He is also a good role model and mentor to the players he coaches, that may only be 1-2 years younger than he is but the formula works.
Parents, don’t coach your own kid. Enjoy their success from the sidelines. If you really want to have an impact on a young player for the love of the game, move down to the grass roots level and give back what you’ve learned.